Powerful Surrender

My spiritual birth.

This is really vulnerable for me. I am not used to presenting myself as a spiritual person. I am though. I do believe in God. There are such great examples in my life that where I was protected. I sometimes need to help my belief when times may be low, and I think of my Grandmother and can feel love again. I feel connected to something bigger than me. I have time in a few twelve steps. So higher power is something I can rely on. I know that non-physical matter is light. When I resonate with a certain attunement that makes me feel so much more in love and gratitude, I choose it, for myself and for others.

I guess I had a spiritual birth. It has such a vivid story
I felt so connected to the sea and the earth, it was a feminine wonderland. Rivers, trees giving fruit and so much more.

I was reading Spiritual Midwifery, in a town of Co-op’s and herb stores for health. I took a herb mixture for pre-natal vitamins. When I broke out in hives, and my midwives were nervous that I may be allergic to my pregnancy, I went to the herb shop and found in a book. It was because of Quinine. I had been downing Tonic Water for the last five days. My first introduction to Stevia, as a plant. Humboldt County where everyone is magic. Really.

I was of course reading Spiritual Midwifery, and another book by a woman who had an ecstatic birth. She was all by herself in her bathtub feeling orgasmic. No lie. At one point I heard she was a ‘Breatharian’ living on Hawaii’s Big Island. There are many things that those books opened my mind to. That women have choice about the way they want to give birth. At home, in water, with what women to guide you into confidence…One thing I loved about Ina May Gaskin is that she gave the women whatever they needed when in labor. Whatever was going to bring the baby out alive. So the judgement was not available. The tactics worked every time. Every time.

This is a country where food is not allowed when in labor at a hospital. If a epidural is given, you lose your rights to your legs. No food after six hours. I don’t get the reason actually, something to do with feces. Sugar product and water in styrofoam a must. A cold environment, waiting for the worst scenario with a taste of fear.

Endorphins come if you feel sensual. Kate Dimphfl speaks about Oxycotin, which is what is produced when you are sexually aroused and giving birth. Adrenaline stops labor. The Limbic system needs to take over, canceling any silly rational thought that may get in the way.

If you are private it works better. Lights loud, cold with beeping sounds and people not talking to you, just wondering if you need anything and then rushing off.

My birth was at a home. It wasn’t mine because I wanted to be over the mountain (closer to the hospital just in case).  

She came out in warm water. I felt so connected to the planet and all the women on it. I felt like sisters. I only wanted us all to succeed.

That changed the way I connected to something much bigger than I with a whole lot of heart. Because what just came out was all purity.

This birth journey took a damaged catholic atheist that changed her ways on the beach in Trinidad, California. When I told my Humbolt birth sister, she just smiled and look at me like I was a teenager.


“I noticed that words can help, a safe enough atmosphere”

“Oxytocin can thrive with a feeling of security”